It’s been 9 months since I held you in my arms. There’s something about that 9 month time span that always hits a mom in the gut.
We count out the months we’re growing these little humans inside us. Suffering through the pain and joy of having every organ displaced by this life that will forever change who we are as a woman. Counting kicks. Avoiding spicy food. Stuffing pillows under your belly “just right” so you can sleep.
Those 9 months can start to feel like years, especially toward weeks 36 through 40. You’re anxiously awaiting the arrival of your precious child who you’ve loved since those two little pink lines notified you of their presence. The day has come and there’s a sigh of relief and a gasp of fear.
The countdown for baby suddenly becomes zero, the starting point, and now you’re counting up!
Johnathan Gabriel Huff
Born 1.7.2019 at 1631
One day, one week, one month.…
Round the clock attention is required. Your child is the ONLY thing on your mind. People are reminding you to eat and to take a shower. That first month is just survival time as the family adjusts to this new little addition.
Johnathan was a little easier than our first. He slept a little better, breastfed like a champ, and fell into a pretty regular routine. He met his brother in the hospital. Family and friends over the coming weeks. We traveled up to Ohio and Johnathan was baptized on January 27th, 2019. As the second born, we felt like we had this part figured out.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and month by month we counted up how much time we had on this earth with Johnathan.
I dressed him up and made him pose with cute little numbered blocks every month. I would try to do it as close as possible to the 7th. With Michael, we dressed him up in a different outfit to represent the closest holiday. With Johnathan, we tried to make it a little easier on ourselves and just put him in a white onesie. He also had his Elephant so we could see how big he was getting. His legs always looked so long and we were sure he would be tall and skinny like his Paps.
1, 2, 3 months… Mommy had to go back to work.
4, 5, 6 months… Baby food and adventures with Big Brother.
7, 8, 9 months… Same time out as in.
When you hit that 9 month mark, your mind inevitably thinks that your baby has now been in your arms on the outside for the same amount of time you grew them on the inside. It’s a milestone that parents, especially Moms, take note of.
Johnathan lived with us on this earth for 23 months.
He was just a couple weeks shy of his second birthday. I was looking forward to having a two year old. I knew that the twos brought more energy, more attitude, and more playful moments. Johnathan had just started standing up to his big brother Michael. He was big enough to engage and play on the same level. He was starting to have his own opinions, his own likes and dislikes. He was our little Nugget.
Died 12.20.2021 at 1118
Now we count again.
One day, one week, one month…
Round the clock attention is required. Your child is the ONLY thing on your mind. People are reminding you to eat and to take a shower. That first month is just survival time as the family adjusts to his absence.
Now the days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into months, and month by month I’m counting how much time Johnathan has been in Heaven.
Every month, the 20th makes me sad, but this month is extra sad. It’s been 9 months. I have lived without Johnathan in my arms for 9 months.
This is a milestone no parent should ever have to experience.