I’m always on the edge.
On the edge of a panic attack.
On the edge of crying.
On the edge of wanting to run away.
On the edge of never moving again. On the edge of losing my mind.
It feels like the smallest push or pull in any direction could send me over the edge. Falling, tumbling, weightlessly floating to the bottom or dropping like a ton of bricks to crash and scatter below.
I just never know when it might be coming and what the end result may be.
This makes for a very exhausting existence. Trying to always teeter away from the edge and keep yourself balanced.
Will something remind me of Johnathan? Will someone say something that is upsetting? Will I flashback to him dying in front of my eyes?
Yep, it keeps happening every day.
Normally, I would have more to say, but I just don‘t have it in me. Y’all have front row seats to my on the edge balancing act.