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No cute endings, yet.

The mermaid gets legs and marries her prince. Genetically enhanced humans save the world from alien invasion. A dad, uncle, and funny friend explains to three little girls about honesty and sharing, then have a big group hug while happy music plays.

yeah, no. I haven’t quite figured out how to get to that happy ending place yet.

I know typically blogs will have little stories of mishap or grief, maybe highlighting some

of the darker sides of life and then the author finds a direction and comes to some conclusion offering hope or a happy ending.

Sometimes it‘s a parenting tip. Others talk about strength and resilience in times of trouble. Religious and spiritual people may talk about God and His plan for us. But me? I might try sometimes to wrap up a quick blog entry with something smart, but honestly, I really don’t have answers for anyone.

I‘m still in the beginning of this journey.

I don’t even know if I’m in a place where I should even be sharing advice. What I’m doing day to day might actually not really be a ”good” way to process this grief. I mean, I hope it is, but who’s really the judge of how “good” someone is at grieving?

I think the bar gets set pretty low after losing a child. Just waking up and not committing suicide is an accomplishment (*I am NOT having suicidal thoughts, but if anyone reading is, please call the national suicide hotline now at 1-800-273-8255. Or reach out to me or a trusted friend. Do NOT let those thoughts consume you, there are ways to get help)

But honestly, the bar is low. I used to multitask everyday being a PA, wife, and mom. From house chores to patient care, it felt like I never stopped. And I was proud of that. I felt accomplished at the end of the day, even if I was exhausted, I did it all. Now waking up can be hard. One trip out to the store and I’m emotionally exhausted the rest of the day.

I have learned that slowing down and purposefully focusing on life can help. I read daily devotionals now and try to remember that God is in control.

I guess I’m kinda wrapping this all up with a cute little ending. Check me out. It’s nothing profound by any means, but I think it deserves some fancy quote and a swelling of music leading into a group hug. We could all use a big group hug these days.

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.” ― Eddie Cantor

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