Year Two
I’ve heard from other parents that year two is worse than year one. A few weeks into year two without Johnathan and I just don’t have the...
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Jackie Huff
Dec 19, 20214 min read
The Countdown Begins
I don’t know when I’m supposed to start counting down the days until the one year anniversary of Johnathan’s death. First of December?...
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Jackie Huff
Nov 2, 20213 min read
Why?
Every thing feels to be getting deeper and more real. I hadn’t gotten to asking why until it was brought up during a GriefShare meeting....
299 views0 comments
Jackie Huff
Sep 20, 20210 min read
9 Months
Nine months. It’s been 9 months since I held you in my arms. There’s something about that 9 month time span that always hits a mom in the...
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Jackie Huff
Aug 23, 20212 min read
Metaphors Galore
Waves keep crashing all around me, I get knocked down and just when I think I’m on my feet again, here comes another wave. I‘m in a pit...
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Jackie Huff
Jul 30, 20211 min read
On the Edge
I’m always on the edge. On the edge of a panic attack. On the edge of crying. On the edge of wanting to run away. On the edge of never...
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Jackie Huff
Jul 5, 20213 min read
Stepping Out of the Bubble
The bubble is simultaneously good and bad. The days you wake up and you just feel like you can’t face the day, you get into your bubble. ...
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Jackie Huff
Jun 18, 20212 min read
Just Another Headline
You feel so empowered the first time a news reporter contacts you to share your tragic story publicly. After losing your child, you feel...
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Jackie Huff
Jun 13, 20213 min read
To the Doctor who held my hand,
Thank you. I can’t remember your name. I know you introduced yourself, but then you told me that you had tried everything you could do...
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Jackie Huff
Jun 1, 20213 min read
How to Walk the Medicine Walk?
How does a mom who’s been called to work in medicine return to a life of medicine when her son’s death haunts her every day? Not very...
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Jackie Huff
May 28, 20212 min read
Radio Silence
Some circumstances around unexpected deaths will require the surviving family and friends to take on a code of silence. It may be that...
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Jackie Huff
May 12, 20212 min read
Feel Like I Could Die Today
I’m listening to a lot of Five Finger Death Punch. We did as a family when Johnathan was still alive and now the songs and words have...
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Jackie Huff
May 5, 20213 min read
The only teacher he’ll ever have
So it’s teacher appreciation week. Michael and Johnathan went to daycare every weekday since we moved to North Carolina. Michael...
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Jackie Huff
Apr 29, 20212 min read
No cute endings, yet.
The mermaid gets legs and marries her prince. Genetically enhanced humans save the world from alien invasion. A dad, uncle, and funny...
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Jackie Huff
Apr 26, 20213 min read
Running Away
Since Johnathan died, I’ve had this internal struggle between wanting to be closer to everything that reminds me of him, while at the...
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Jackie Huff
Apr 22, 20212 min read
Wake Me From This Nightmare
What do you do when your subconscious is just as anxious and angry as your conscious mind? What’s in my head? Nightmares. Flashbacks. ...
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Jackie Huff
Apr 14, 20213 min read
More like a Hurricane
I feel like I’ve barely been able to breathe the last few days. It’s been 16 weeks since Johnathan died. Every day I’m feeling a deeper...
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Jackie Huff
Apr 11, 20215 min read
How to Find a New Hairdresser
Forming a relationship with someone AFTER a child's death comes with this ever present worry of when and how the conversation will come...
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Jackie Huff
Apr 3, 20212 min read
The Future He’ll Never Live
When you lose a child, you not only lose the life they had, but you lose the life they could have had. Johnathan was just starting to...
159 views0 comments
Jackie Huff
Mar 26, 20212 min read
Gone
Today I’ve had the overwhelming realization that you are actually gone. No matter how hard I wish or pray, you will never come back. I...
245 views0 comments
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